The Lady Guard

A shawl wrapped lady

Sits across my room

She is a lady guard

To protect us from goons.

From 9pm to 5am

She stays awake in the cold

Shivering and staring

At old concrete floors.

The occupants of the room

Laugh with glee

As they chat with lovers

And listen to music.

She stares into the dark

Watching the Sabarmati flow

She falls asleep on the white  plastic chair

But wakes up every time the winds blow. 

The hostel has 365+ rooms

I hope she is invited daily

To watch a movie with the giggly girls

While she chills out in the corridors everyday.

:D

Red Dot

Talks have ceased.
Sharing has stopped.

...And now you just remain as a red dot on my list.
...And you are my friend.
...A busy friend.

Parapets

The white cement chipped off the edge,

Bird poop scattered parapet.

I had climbed out of my concrete,

A high rise of seventeen,

Vertigo.

Drop.

Dead.

Suicide.

Thats what others thought,

Every time I would sit for hours,

On the white chipped, pigeon poop

Parapet.

I sat there quietly,

As memories appeared,

Drenching my parched soul,

And blurring my glare.

It is here where I first felt the wind,

It is here where I first blew the rings,

It is here where I first touched your lips,

It is here when I first thought of sins.

It is here, where I first restrained,

When the edge lured me

To fly with the wind,

And enter a world,

Free from sorrows and pain.

It is here, when I first spoke to you,

Away from millions of miles,

Overlooking a muddy football field,

Where local stars played their sport, 

With heart and style.

It is here, where I saw the world moving,

With an unknown pace,

While I rested in disguise,

Amidst a rapid moving maze.

It is here, from where, 

She took her one last flight,

When her girl child was aborted,

After 210 torturous nights.

It is here, where he first intoxicated himself,

To give up on academics, and fly far away.

It is here, where our hands, 

Had shakily touched,

When he said the three magical words, 

Next to the melting wax. 

It is here, that I felt scared,

To go to the other side,

It is here, where freedom dwelled,

Away from over crowded rooms,

And bourgeois lifestyles.

It is here, where I first read, 

The iconic lines,

'Etu Brute'

As tears filled my eyes.

It is here, where I hummed Tagore,

As he caressed my hair,

Miles away through a magnetophone,

Over chat windows shared.

The parapet is no more,

As I visit back my dorm, 

Of 13 years and 23 days,

Of a boarding school in Kalimpong.

Expansion and renovation has made the school pay,

Crores of rupees to make false parapets every day.

The parapet is no more,

It has died a silent death,

Without vicious complaints,

Or any regrets.

I wish I am a parapet,

In love and in life,

A space for deep reflection,

Amongst crowds of infinite disguise.

Let me remain

In the recesses of the dark

When the tears flow down

And wet the cottons,

When expectations fail

When expressions are like vacuum,

When the blue neon twinkles

And reaches out for your hand,

When the cries remain wounded

And embedded in concrete and sand,

When hypocrisy feigns ego

And normals the disdained,

When all the sounds of night

Amalgamate to haunt,

But, I try to restrain.

When I dream of beauty

I want to dream about you

But you are like vacuum

No feelings, no regrets,

Only sanctity.

I try to feign reality,

You try to feign justice,

We try to feign,

Periods of drama and the silent practices.

It makes us puppets of society.

Can you cut me,

To expose my stuffed wet cotton?

The cotton, so purely woven

By the dwellers of the dark hills,

Before I rot into oblivion,

And the murmur of birds,

Prick my humid skin.

Will you cut me before

He caresses my carcasses,

And kisses me again

And feigns to the masses.

When the tears dry again

And when solitude feigns pain

When the noise fades away

And I wave to never turn again...

I find you again.

On the post it note

Stuck on the blue dusty table,

On the dirty grey backpack

Next to badges of beatles,

In a blue folder of visuals

On my desktop screen,

Inside my dark blue bag

And the half bottle of davidoff

That you gifted me last spring,

In the neon Moutain Dew

Collectors bottle,

Filled with d'leau et l'cool,

That I remember sipping

Among intoxicated masses.

As we continue to stare at screens

As we continue to fool other puppets

The sanctity reveals satan

In the active lives of masses.

Let me not find you again.

Let me be selfish.

Let me remain.

The Slip

I heard you know about her,

Much more than you knew about me.

How her blue chiffon dress reeked of Davidoff,

And her red lips of Maybellline.

I heard you visited her,

Last night was it?

Your blue striped shirt smelt of it.

And your eyes leaked red.

La nuit la apporte la paix.

The night brings peace...

When was the last time,

I turned around to see you slumber,

I do not remember…

I still baked your apple tarts,

Warm and crisp,

With castor sugar

Sprinkled across them.

It turned cold…

On the teak wooden table,

Of the deserted dining hall,

We had designed together.

I feigned I did not know,

Nor cared, nor bothered,

That you knew her,

More than me.

But tell me,

Will you ever forgive me?

If I had ever slipped…

Slipped...

When you first saw me,

Serving warm earl grey tea,

In a white porcelain cup,

While you sat with your parents with glee.

Slipped…

When the black ink ran out,

From the reynolds ball point pen,

While signing the papers,

At the office of the marriage registrar.

Slipped...

When the ring,

Carefully chosen by you,

Found difficulty in travelling,

Through my ring finger.

It rained heavily last night,

Did you know?

Did you smell the rain?

How could you?

You were busy smelling her blue chiffon dress,

That reeked of Davidoff.

Did I tell you?

I slipped in the rain last night...

La nuit la apporte la paix.

Does it really?

Its human to slip...

But you hated me to be a human

Is it?

3 words long...

You sat next to me,

Close to me,

But exactly 3 millimeters away.

You sat,

I sat,

Our knees 'almost' touched,

Almost 3 millimeters apart.

I counted,

You counted,

Both our heart beats,

It felt like 3*3*3 beats per second.

The cell phone beeped,

For the 3rd time,

In the dark auditorium,

On the 3rd seat from the rear.

The phone displayed,

A message, 3 words long.

You came closer,

By 3 millimeters,

I stayed still,

For 3 seconds.

Then 3 things happened,

Over 3 nights,

But in the 362 nights remaining,

I stared at the stars,

While you stared at the moon.

I wished for 3 similar things,

While you blinked 3 times,

I spoke for 3 seconds,

While you kept silent and typed,

A message 3 words long.

The auto stopped at pincode 330-033,

Where you paid 3 rupees as change,

To run away to your room on the 3rd floor,

Opposite the 3rd coffee shop on Ripon Street.

That Day,

The cell phone beeped for the 3rd time.

The phone displayed

A message, 3 words long.

No it was not the same message,

That I read,

In the dark auditorium,

While staring at the screen,

For 3 hours long.

My tears froze for 3 seconds

And I walked away briskly,

On the 3rd Avenue of the new concrete town.

Of Joy and Pain

There were no shadows,

Only bodies,

Close together,

Under the dancing rains.

The drops drenched the two souls,

Moving under the same skies,

They smiled at the healing drops,

Separated by a deafening distance.

Her mac played Madhaniyan,

His resonated Chal Diyay,

Till the dark grey skies

Could hear their cries

Of Joy and Pain.

The sky cried too,

Along with them,

The cry for freedom,

The cry for liberation

Of Joy and Pain.

The Sabarmati overflowed,

As she felt the wind,

Touching her unwanted skin,

Till she rinsed her heart

Of Joy and Pain.

The parched grass,

Amidst the tall concrete,

Where hundreds convocated

With great difficulty.

Where nights and days

Flowed freely,

Like the drops trickling

Down the grilled balcony.

Where the eyes met,

And lips could not speak,

Coldplay's Scientist

Did all the trick.

Drench you heart

With Joy and Pain

Drench your heart

Till it can feel again.

Take my heart

If you cannot feel

Take my heart

Before it stops to beat.

Let it breathe

Of Joy and Pain

Let my heart

Love you once again.

I Do Not Know

I do not know who I love

I do not know who I hate

I do not understand people,

I do not understand fate.

I do not know my mother's best friend,

Have I ever tried to?

I know my father is lonesome,

I know he wants to be free.

I know I want to run,

I know I want to flee,

But from whom or for how long?

Till I understood what it meant to be free.

What is freedom?

The space between

You and Me.

Is it vacuum?

Is it non-judgement?

Is it cocaine?

Is it ecstasy?

Do you talk about things

That you already know?

Do you talk about things

Completely unknown?

Do I talk?

Let us talk?

You have no time

I am lost in thought.

Do you consume the liquid

To alleviate the pain?

Do you release the rings

To disguise and feign?

I hate the taste,

I love what I hate,

I love the feeling,

I hate what I love.

The Neutrogena Rain Bath

Makes my unwanted skin breathe

Before it ceases to love

Before it ceases to feel.

It travels with the body

It travels through thoughts

From meandering labyrinths

Filled with bumpy shocks.

I do not know who I like

I do not know who I love

I do not understand the difference

Or why is it an incentive for breaking up.

Is it important to know everything?

Is it important to be free?

The margins of space are limitless,

The space between You and Me.

Remember me

Will you remember me,

Even if I don't remember you?

Will you remember me,

Even if I forget to remember you?

Will you remember me,

Even if I feign to remember you?

Will you remember me?

Will you remember,

What remains of me?

I Lost You

You asked me… Who do I like?

I told you the truth.

You asked me… Who do I love?

I lied to you.

Because I did not know

How to tell you,

Or if you had the heart

To listen to the truth.

The lover I loved

With my heart and soul,

You left him at the corner gate,

Then you held my waist,

My best mate,

And tried to kiss me

In the dark night,

Under shadows of leafy silhouettes,

Influenced by the liquid,

That took away your soul.

My soul disappeared,

My skin turned pale,

I tried to find grip,

Amidst the concrete stones,

But you bit my neck,

In the sharp darkness

Of the pitch dark cave.

Yet,

You smiled in the morning,

Holding your hot coffee cup,

And patted the shoulders

Of the boy I really loved.

You winked and said sorry,

I had already forgiven you last night,

But I lost you my best mate,

In the darkness of that night.