Saturday, September 29, 2012

It happened in a second...

It was just a transfer of signals,
Codes, numbers, accounts, identity,
From one secured space to 
Another password protected space.

It happened in a second.

On September 28, 2012,
I got my first salary,
First internship salary,
Sitting in my grey cubicle,
Made colorful by doodled
Paper coffee cups.

Is this what I wanted?
Is this what I needed?
Atleast it seemed that way,
When I signed on the call letter,
And contract forms,
Which made me sell my creativity,
For a while,
To a company that I owed a lot to,
For making me survive all my juries,
In my under graduate and post-graduate
Design life.

Material can never satiate the soul,
That is something I have concluded,
When the dream you had, 
Of earning your first salary,
Gets shattered, 
In a second of your life.

Then the vacuum sets in,
That makes you write,
Pieces like this,
Drinking scotch on the rocks,
And smoking marlboro lights.

If everything was complete,
And was going all right,
Was life worth living
Without the void and the fights?

The irony lies in ourselves,
We complicate our own lives,
By trying to simplify the complicated,
Only to get sucked into monotonous black holes,
Of a daily routined lifestyle. 

It happened in a second.
But it's novelty is gone.
Because it will happen again and again,
Like a letterpress machine
Printing paper leaflets,
That will get extinct with time.


We met through strangeness,
Engulfed in a vacuum filled stench
Of past relationships.

You told me later
That you were in a relationship
But I was not.

How did you decide
On a conclusion like this I wonder 
Because I always ran away from
The disease of defining it.

I cannot define love
Or the feeling of being in it.

I had agreed with you
On the logic behind it,
You were the first
To introduce me to it.

The antibiotics and rasam
Has made a concoction
That has evaporated all consciousness

Sometimes I feel,

Its fatal to breathe.

But your thoughts helped me to sleep.

Why are you trying to eradicate my sorrows,
What will happen when you disappear?

I know,
God won't come and pick up my little pieces,
Meticulously massacred by you.
But, maybe Satan will.

I fear your disappearance…
I fear your exit,
I fear for loving you so much,
I fear being so weak.

Chips make me happy,
Because they are so crisp,
They break into pieces,
When they are bitten with sharp teeth.

I bit chips worth 225 bucks,
Remembeing that night when you
Bit my fair skin, with your soft lips.

I stay apart wondering,
How can another entity
Give you so much force,
To make you believe
All the hopes and dreams,
That were shattered with grief,
Every time you tried to believe.

My warm tears trickled down,
As I cried my heart out,
For the first time,
Clasped in your strength.

How scared I was to believe,
A stranger who I loved,
Without the logic,
That the stranger had carefully taught.

The dogs barked silently
On the empty dark road.
They witnessed the words,
That came pouring out 
Of the strangers simple soul.

I fought my own feelings,
I betrayed myself to not know,
That the stranger stole my heart,
And understood me much more,
Than I had ever known.

Its strange to love a stranger,
But it is even more strange, 
To battle your own strange soul,
To understand the power of love,
And to never let go.

Chips make me happy,
Because they are so crisp,
They break into pieces,
When they are bitten with sharp teeth.

Your love can make me chip with ease.